Grief is not simple. When you’ve spent months or years, as I have as a caregiver pouring your energy, and love into someone else’s well-being the loss hits differently It’s more complicated. It’s not just the absence of a person. It’s the sudden silence after a journey of routines, responsibilities, accomplishments and setbacks. It’s the question: Who am I now?
💔 The Role of Caregiver and Mourner
Caregivers begin grieving long before death arrives. Watching my mother decline whether from age or illness can feel like a slow unraveling. You mourn the person they were, even as you fight to preserve their dignity and comfort. And when the end finally comes, you’re left with a strange mix of relief, guilt, and profound sadness, mostly sadness.
– Relief that her suffering and difficulties are over and has gone to a much better place. A place of peace and love and no more pain.
– Guilt for feeling relieved. The weight and stress you bare for so long is lifted.
– Sadness that your role, your purpose, has vanished overnight. All of this time and energy is now over. You are left with too much time on your hands and not knowing what to do with yourself.
🩺 A Journey of Love and Loss
I began my journey as a caregiver for my mother when she suffered a heart attack. It was sudden, terrifying, and life-altering. The heart attack led to triple bypass surgery that gave me hope. But just as I began to breathe again, my mother had a stroke. Due to a one time afib episode that only happens to less than 3% of those that have bypass surgery. That moment changed everything.
From then on, caregiving became my world. I managed medications, coordinated appointments, and helped her navigate a life that had become unfamiliar to her. I became whatever my mom needed. I was a cook, chauffeur, hair stylist, nail tech, and the list goes on. I watched her fight to reclaim pieces of herself, and I fought alongside her. Every day was a mix of fear, caring, exhaustion, and fierce love.
When she passed, the silence was deafening. I wasn’t just grieving my mother I was grieving the rhythm of our days, the purpose that had defined me, and the bond forged in the trenches of caregiving.
🕯️ The Quiet After the Storm
After the funeral, the calls dwindle, the support disappears. And you’re left alone with a house full of medical supplies, empty rooms, and memories that sneak up on you like shadows.
This is when grief deepens. Not just for the person I lost, but for the version of myself that existed in caring for my mom. I felt purposeless, exhausted, and even resentful. These feelings are valid but confusing at the same time. Caregiving is a form of love, and love leaves a mark. Grief is the love that now has nowhere to go.
🌱 Reclaiming Myself
Grieving as a caregiver means learning to live again not as someone’s lifeline, but as me again. It’s okay to take time. It’s okay to feel lost. But slowly I am beginning to rediscover:
– What brings me joy outside of caregiving. This one I still struggle with. I am still figuring out what brings me joy.
– Who I am when I am not needed every hour. Finding a new purpose is so intimidating. Writing this blog is part of my new purpose. My intention is to find peace for myself and help others that find themselves struggling with this thing called grief.
– How to honor my mother by living fully as me. I am still working on this one.
💬 You’re Not Alone
Support groups, therapy, journaling, and talking with others who’ve walked this path can help. For me therapy is the answer. I will say you have to find the right therapist for you. One you relate to and you feel comfortable with. I was lucky I found the right one on the first try. I strongly believe that I was directed to my therapist by a higher power. I knew within the first session he was the therapist for me. I have learned I don’t have to carry this grief alone. And I don’t have to rush through it. Grief takes time but I still look for that finish line for grief that is nowhere to be found. Grief will always live in my heart to some degree.
Grief is not a problem to solve. It’s a story to live through. It’s a mix of memories and emotions. As a caregiver, my story is one of love and caring.
The grieving caregiver 
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